Hey people, I thought of a second draft. I decided not to attach my drawings because I also did not understand what I wanted to convey through my terrible sketches! Ha..sorry. Anyway, I hope to start snapping my photos tomorrow and complete it by this week. I should be able to piece the video together with 20 odd photos. Do give me your valuable comments if i should continue to work on this or the previous concept. Thanks!
1. Man getting ready for his date.
- scene of flowers, gift and a suit on the bed
- scene of man infront of mirror
2. Man driving to pick his date
- scene of man in car
- scene of man imagining himself standing infront of his date's house door
3. Man meets his date
- scene of man standing infront of a door
- scene of couple walking (focus on couple's shadow)
4. Couple reaches restaurant
- scene of man gesturing to waiter (focus on hand signaling 'two')
5. Couple dining at dinner table
- scene of man at dinner table
- scene of man crying
* camera moves along the table showing an empty seat on the other side
6. Man leaves restaurant
- scene of man holding a bouquet of flowers, walking away from dinner table
7. Man enters graveyard
- scene of man holding a bouquet of flowers standing infront of a tombstone
- scene of man putting flowers down on the tombstone
8. News article slides in
* scene of newspaper sliding in
- newspaper article showing headlines of a woman dying in a car accident
9. Story rewinds
* previous images/scenes scaling in and fading away in reverse order
10. Black screen with words
* Words showing 'One Year Ago'
11. Man drinking in a bar
- scene of man with beer bottle
12. Man leaving the bar
- scene of man entering car
13. Car accident
- scene of car swerving left to right
- scene of woman crossing the road
- scene of car driving straight at woman
- scene of impact
14. Newspaper flashes by again
15. Black screen with words
* Words showing 'If you drink, don't drive.'
Story Ends.
This story has more human element inside it. After reading the draft, I hope you will feel and understand the pain of losing a love one due to drink driving. If i manage to convey this message to you, then that's great! I hope to hear more comments from you. I am in the process of finding a suitable soundtrack for the theme and mood of the video. I will be putting up a few more updates to keep you people in the loop!
three b.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
21 comments:
It leaves me the impression of those "drink-and-don't-drive" advertisments that we usually saw in tv... I think it would be more "valentine" if you leave out the "dink and don't drive" theme... Other than that, the front part of the story is pretty good though...
Yar, i agree with miew lai, the ending seem to relate to a tv commercial rather than a valentine's day love story. Maybe your message can be more subtle instead of portraying or conveying such a cliche message.
Another point, if you are using pictures, your plot requires quite abit of difficulty to take the various scenes. Like the swerving and such. So how are you going to overcome this problem?
Remmy
Hmm. I do agree that it does sounds like a commercial but I think that if you add more emotions emphasizing the relationship between the man & women, like their memories together, it will suit the theme more. The accident can play a minor part in adding a tragedy feel to the storyline.
Puiwah
yes, i think the story, if its well shot, can be sold to the traffic police as their upcoming drink driving campaign.
i like how the story flow, and if you were to draw it, COLOUR THEM. i think it will give a more impactful fill.
play with the fades, it gives a more mellow dramatic feel too! but overall, i think its a nice concept, and yes, fade the colours to black and white when its a flashback!
eileen ong yu lin
hmm i guess everyone agrees with the "drink and dont drive" campaign feel.
are you using pictures or drawing? pictures will be quite tough i guess. like someone said earlier, the swerve part can have a nice transition and music effect to it to make it realistic.
wow its a very "educational" story.
Maybe instead of "drink dont drive" can say how "cherish ur loved ones" or sth?
First impression : Korean drama.
Tragedy element is there, but need to focus more on the valentine part than the drinking part.
PS: feels like jay chou's "yue qu" MTV in terms of arrangement. Can take some ideas off of that.
Hmm, maybe you can do away with the 'If you drink, don't drive.'? I thought with that line, it no longer makes it a love story.
Actually, I don't quite understand the initial part of the story. Perhaps with the pictures, I might comprehen better.
Just one question, how are you going to portray the swerving and the accident?
To Miew Lai,
Ha, alright! I shall heed your advice and do away with the last frame. I think most of the comments express similar thoughts on the drink driving aspect.
To Remmy,
Yep, I will be removing the 'drink driving' frame out and end the story with a pondering thought for the viewers.
I thought of the swerving scene already. There's two methods I am thinking of. First, is to slow shaking of the screen to make the car seem like it is moving left and right. Another is to add ski marks behind the car, together with the shaking effect.
To Pui Wah,
I am not focusing on the couple's love story, but rather the twist in fate in the middle of the story about how the guy was the cause of his partner's death. I want to work on the emotional aspect of love, as well as the subtle consequence of drink driving.
I am a little confused if the man and woman actually know each other beforehand or just because of the accident. If not, it seems not related to valentines day at all (unless it's because it occurred on v-day maybe?) Just my opinion though as I feel that the way you portray his guilt is great but I don't see the romance element in it that relates to valentines day.
To Eileen,
Thanks for your comments! I do agree that it's alittle cliche, so I have decided to remove the frame with the words 'drink driving'.
I will bear in mind your suggestions when I am working on the transitions! Thanks!
To Cheryl,
No more commerical like for my video! I can sense that the class is unanimous towards these commerical gimmicks. I think i will end the video with the scene of the accident. I am hoping the viewers to understand the story as well as ponder about the consequence of drink driving.
To falafie,
Yep. No outright declaration of drink driving! Ha!
I will be taking photos and probably looking into editing the photos to express certain action of the scene. I believe transitions will help to convey the flow of the story and the activity of the scenes.
To daqueen,
Arhhh..interesting. I might look into that. Changing the final gist of the video, instead of removing the last frame. Good idea! Thanks for the suggestion!
To wing yan,
Yes. I have decided to remove that frame after reading everyone's comments about it. It begins with a simple story about a guy preparing for his special date, but midway of the story, it shows that he doesn't have a date actually. Then the story continues to unfold explaining the reason. His date has already passed away. Sadly, it was the guy who killed his date because of drink driving. Sigh. I feel sad everytime I think about it.
I thought of the swerving scene already. There's two methods I am thinking of. First, is to slow shaking of the screen to make the car seem like it is moving left and right. Another is to add ski marks behind the car, together with the shaking effect.
Bittersweet love, but a very strong plot to work with. It is good to have the message 'Don't Drink and Drive' inside, but the overall emphasis should not be there. It should instead emphasise on how much it hurts to lose someone he truly loves. It would be challenging to 'unlink' the commercial and the valentine feel .
To jxn,
Thanks for your comment! you are the first to comment about its dramatic feel! I hope i can achieve it with my photos and transitions! I will do away with the drink driving frame and end it as a tragic love story.
Frankly, I haven't seen his mtvs before. But i shall consider watching the one you suggested as my first! Haha.
To Yit Sin,
Hrm, i will look into showing the couple's photo in the first fram together with the flowers and gift. So that it will reduce the confusion of the relationship the guy and girl have. I believe this will play down the feeling of guilt and express the tragic love story and twist i had in mind.
To Yuan Xue,
Thank you for your comments! Maybe I will look into playing down the message of drink driving. I was thinking of removing it totally. I understand where you are coming from. I will try my best to put across the message as subtly as possible. Ha!
Post a Comment